You’ve been by my side for as long as I can remember. Your protection has kept me from so much pain, embarrassment, and ridicule when I just wanted to blurt out exactly what was on my mind or ask a stupid question. I’ve experienced so much anguish and anxiety because of my voice, had you not been there to make me think twice about situations that may have brought on more of that, I don’t think I would have recovered.
Thank you for always being there to blanket me from the inevitable self-loathing and shame I would have felt had I just put my voice out there. Your safeguarding is so deeply appreciated; though, it’s no longer needed, dear friend.
Because you did such a great job of teaching me to filter, it became my go-to. I became so comfortable in your sanctuary, I didn’t learn to use my voice at all. I kept my mouth shut so I wouldn’t feel anything, not realizing the pain from doing so was infinity greater than the alternative. I worked so hard to not introduce self-loathing and shame from things I shouldn’t say. Ironically, they crept in anyway because of what I didn’t. The self-imposed vice I secured around my throat from blindly following your well-intentioned guidance robbed me of utilizing my unique skills and talents, which include sharing my words and my voice.
Having said all this, I don’t blame you. I don’t hold you responsible for my years of filtered silence and subsequent anxiety. That’s on me. I took your protection too far. I didn’t ask (you) how best to utilize your counsel to work in my favor when I had something to say. I just assumed not speaking up to avoid pain applied to everything.
You have done a great job of keeping me from some nasty sh*t, but because I couldn’t discern how to effectively use your protection, it kept me from learning other valuable lessons and allowing those to shape me in completely different ways.
As I’m sure you’ve guessed, it’s time for me to say goodbye … for now. I’ve reached a point where I’m secure enough in my own voice and my ability to deal with whatever pushback comes my way. I’m now able to step into my voice because I’ve released myself from the anvil of self-judgment I’ve carried around for so long. I won’t crumble if someone challenges me because I know exactly who I am and how I want to show up. I no longer feel the need to compete for relevance because I am relevant and in competition with no one.
Because we share so much mutual love and respect, there’s no doubt we’ll stay connected and continue to grow together as life progresses. You’ve taught me so much and I wouldn’t be who I am without you. I will always cherish the time we spent together. You are a good friend and purposeful ally. I will keep you close as my biggest cheerleader.
With infinite love and appreciation,